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Are you experiencing loneliness?

Loneliness – that feeling of isolation from the people, community and the institutions we need to make our society work.

The gold standard for measuring loneliness is the UCLA Loneliness Scale. It only takes a few minutes to complete: just note your answer for each statement and add your scores together.

Take the test

Never Rarely Sometimes Often
1. How often do you feel that you are ‘in tune’ with the people around you? 4 3 2 1
2. How often do you feel that you lack companionship? 1 2 3 4
3. How often do you feel that there is no-one you can turn to? 1 2 3 4
4. How often do you feel alone 1 2 3 4
5. How often do you feel part of a group of friends? 4 3 2 1
6. How often do you feel that you have a lot in common with the people around you? 4 3 2 1
7. How often do you feel that you are no longer close to anyone? 1 2 3 4
8. How often do you feel that your interests and ideas are not shared by those around you? 1 2 3 4
9. How often do you feel outgoing and friendly? 4 3 2 1
10. How often do you feel close to people? 4 3 2 1
11. How often do you feel left out. 1 2 3 4
12. How often do you feel that your relationships with others are not meaningful? 1 2 3 4
13. How often do you feel that no one really knows you well? 1 2 3 4
14. How often do you feel isolated from others? 1 2 3 4
15. How often do you feel you can find companionship when you want it? 4 3 2 1
16. How often do you feel that there are people who really understand you? 4 3 2 1
17. How often do you feel shy? 1 2 3 4
18. How often do you feel that people are around you but not with you? 1 2 3 4
19. How often do you feel that there are people you can talk to? 4 3 2 1
20. How often do you feel that there are people you can turn to? 4 3 2 1

 

If you scored over 43, you would be considered lonely.

 

loneliness

 

You may want to run through this again using a wider definition of loneliness: thinking about not only your relationships with friends, family, work colleagues and neighbours but also your relationships with your employer, politicians and the state. How does this change your score?

This can be a useful reflection as loneliness is not only feeling lacking of company or interactions. It is about feeling unsupported and un-cared for by our fellow citizens, employers, community, institutions and government. It’s not just about lacking those human connections but feeling economically and politically excluded as well.

The impact of Loneliness

The chemical response to loneliness is essentially the same as the ‘fight / flight’ response. It is this stress response that fuels some of the most insidious health effects of loneliness. So, when we are talking about loneliness, we are not just talking about lonely minds but lonely bodies.

Now, we experience stress responses frequently, but typically once the threat is over, we return to our base level of responsiveness. However, when lonely, neither the stress response, nor the reset happens as it should. When lonely, cholesterol levels rise faster, blood pressure rises faster and cortisol levels rise faster. Further, the amygdala – the ‘fight / flight / freeze part of the brain – keeps a danger signal for longer than it would do otherwise. This will be familiar territory for those whom have worked with the brain model I use.

So, what now?

This needn’t be all doom and gloom. In terms of increasing our overall happiness, developing an active, gratifying, social life – especially when engaging with others in activities meaningful to us – is the single most effective thing we can do.

Ask Yourself: What bridges will you build in your life that will help others, by building meaningful connections?

Solution Focused Hypnotherapy

”Hypnotherapy, for me, really shines in the treatment of conditions such as depression, anxiety, insomnia and many other stress-related conditions. Interestingly, the very conditions which standard prescription medication struggles to deal with….. Hypnotherapy can be more than just a supportive add-on therapy, softening the impact of conditions like depression, eating disorders, anxiety & IBS. it is a real standalone treatment in its own right, often acting more rapidly and effectively than antidepressants, the current drugs of choice for such issues.”

 

A brilliant quick read by Solution Focused Hypnotherapist Claire Noyelle

 

A Pharrmacist’s View

 

Ask yourself: What is the greatest area of chaos in my life and how will I impose positive order upon it? What components of my daily life have become much too orderly and rigid and how will I open doors to a bit of creative chaos?

Who doesn’t want to be happy?

It is reasonably uncontentious to say we all want to be happy. Also, that the pursuit of happiness is a key driver for the choices we make and our resultant behaviours. Further, we know more about how our minds work than ever before. And we have access to physical resources which previous generations simply could not imagine – indeed that we could not imagine only a few years ago.

But our societies are less happy – and more depressed – than ever. There are many threads to this. One thread is that happiness has three dimensions and we have come to focus on only one of these.

Dimension 1 – Pleasure: Rapture, ecstasy, warmth, comfort, pleasantness. The pleasures can be externally stimulated, can often be bought, tend to require little effort. They typically experience diminished returns and their pleasures are short lived. Here-in lies the hedonistic treadmill.

Dimension 2 – Gratification: a feeling of time stopping, being totally absorbed in an activity as we effortlessly lose our self-consciousness. This requires concerted effort – there are no shortcuts.

Dimension 3 – Purpose: belonging to and serving something we value and perceive to be bigger than ourselves. Again, this requires effort and often creates a legacy of some form.

My suggestion here is that many have Pleasure, Gratification and Purpose a bit out of balance in favour of the myriad of short-cuts to the pleasures, made available to us ‘within an arm’s reach of desire’ – driving our obsession with disposable, empty, mass consumerism.

So, perhaps a bit of re-balancing may be in order, at the personal level and also the societal level to create the means for more of us to engage in gratifying and purposeful pursuits.

 

happy

Oh – for a good night’s sleep!

”In the five weeks since my first hypnotherapy session, I have experienced just three bad nights of sleep. As someone used to multiple bad nights on any given week, this is truly remarkable. Hypnotherapy has helped my brain to repel the negative thoughts which have burdened me for months. When I think about sleep now, I’m not filled with overwhelming dread but a sense of calm assurance.

I will likely be an insomniac for life. I’m sure I will go through phases where sleep is good, and sleep is bad. But hypnotherapy gave my brain subconscious strategies to overcome a vicious cycle which was wreaking havoc on all aspects of my life. A good night’s sleep is no longer an unattainable dream. ”

A good night’s sleep

Ask yourself: Since I have much more control over my emotions and my mental states…than someone who doesn’t know these things…what advantage will I gain by learning…to excel in interesting new areas?

Hypnosis – bet you can’t hypnotise me!

”Entering hypnosis is a human capacity that is open to all regardless of creed, colour, gender, or ideas as to what hypnosis is. But one thing I have noticed from my experience is that people who are able to direct powerful concentration are often better hypnotic subjects. Or at least those with strong willpower are better able to enter hypnosis more quickly.”

 

Bet you can’t hypnotise me

 

Ask yourself: What limitation am I living with, and how will I improve my life when I totally eliminate that limitation?

 

hypnosis

Why Am I Not Happier?

”People are exposed to many messages that encourage them to believe that a change of weight, scent, hair colour (or coverage), car, clothes, or many other aspects will make them markedly happier. Our research suggests a moral, and a warning: Nothing that you focus on will make as much difference as you think.”

 

This great short read will resonate with those curious about a Solution Focused approach.

 

Why am I not happier?

 

As yourself – What will I take action on today to get myself moving toward where I want to be? What will I do – now – to get started in the optimal direction for my life?

Stress – are you the one in three?

‘’Studies have shown that one in three adults suffer from the effects of unmanaged stress. Many of us don’t even realize how stressed we actually are. We often become accustomed to being tense. So we think of it as normal. Stress damages our health, our work, our relationships. It destroys families, businesses, and lives. And it costs companies staggering amounts every year in health costs, absenteeism, and poor performance. In fact, stress built up over a long period can reduce our ability to regenerate. Which means less energy and tolerance to combat daily stress. This is the serious, silent threat.’’

How stressed am I?

Ask yourself – How will I take action today…to begin to utilise my own resources…both in the interest of my own future…and those important to me…and as I do…what will I continue to notice…that becomes a useful feedback mechanism?

 

Insomnia or Sleeping Well?

‘’Recent research shows that both acute and chronic insomnia respond positively to hypnotherapy. In one study, hypnotherapy was considered more effective than other techniques in helping participants fall asleep.’’

Fed up counting sheep?

It is quite common for Solution Focused Hypnotherapy clients to report improved sleep. Even if their primary issue was something else.

Ask yourself – What key piece of information did I learn from this article that I’m absolutely going to make work for me today?

Cycling between anxiety & depression?

‘’It is because you are in such pain with depression that we need to take care of you the right way. We need to both hold on to your feelings and help you respond to them in a way that is helpful’’

Behavioural Shutdown Model

An interesting description of depression. It resonates with the Solution Focused Hypnotherapy approach to helping those experiencing the symptoms of depression.

Ask Yourself – Which of the key points in this article will I immediately apply to improve my life…to change my circumstances…What is going on in my life…that has gone on for too long…and what will I do about it…now?

What do hypnotherapists actually do?

“People who come to hypnotherapists have already decided to change. I just guide them down that path.”

The Sherpa guides the way: you climb the mountain for yourself.

A sceptic’s Experience

Ask yourself – What is the one area of your life that has the greatest potential for growth…and what changes are you committed to make…in that area…now? What things can you do right away…that will yield immense benefits…to you…and to others?